Life Choices

There is a true sense of calm that comes over a person when they make a life changing decision.  Maybe it's the calm before the storm, but for one brief moment there is a sense of peace.  I am feeling that peace right now, and I don't know how long it's going to last, but I intend on riding it to the very finish.

You see, I have been in a relationship since I was 19 years old, and my husband was 31 when I met him.  The idea of having an older man take care of me seemed like a good idea at that particular point in my life, but I didn't realize that I was going to spend the next 21 years taking care of him.  I've always been the adult in my relationship, and I've never gotten a chance to be a carefree woman who enjoyed the early part of her youth.  I had to put a lot of my life on hold in order to care for the needs of everyone else, and I feel like it's time to be a little selfish.

Before I go any further, I would like to clarify that I wouldn't change a thing. Our daughters together turned out amazingly well, if I do say so myself.  The oldest of the two is in college and works two jobs, and our youngest is a senior in high school and about to graduate in a couple of months.  They are both smart, funny, strong, and they inspire me.  They can be stubborn, but in a way I am proud of that because it just shows me that they aren't going to take crap from anyone and will never be anyone's doormat.  They are going to be everything I wish I could have been.

My life with my husband has had lots of ups and even more downs, and although I truly hope we can be friends when all is said and done, I'm not hopeful of that outcome.  So I just have to accept that it is what it is.  He and I have grown apart, we don't have the same goals in life anymore, and now that our kids are raised, I'm ready to see what the world has out there for me.  It's a liberating feeling.  I just hope it will feel the same for my husband.  Oh, I may be a nervous wreck by the time it's all said and done, but it's time...